Okay, here goes part 1. My ideas on how to make a man fall in love with you without sex. Or… just theories for how men tend to fall in love. The guys can tell me if these theories are completely BS.
1) The first is obvious. Gorgeous good looks. Hot body. Beautiful face. Luscious hair. Big boobs. Nice butt. Long legs. Men are known to be the ones who “fall in love at first sight.” A truly stunning woman has guys professing their love for her all the time. Most of us mere mortals will never have this happen to us, but most 9′s and 10′s have probably had at least one stalker in their lifetime. For us non-models, keep a slim figure and maintain good grooming, and at least we won’t repulse guys. Okay, moving on…
2) One thing that really gets guys going is a girl who is positive, full of life, and laughs a lot. A pretty girl smiling a genuinely happy smile as she looks into his eyes for a long time — that makes a man melt. I’ve never had a guy compliment me on my frown, but I have been told that my face lights up when I smile. A positive girl makes people around her feel more energized, which is very attractive. No needy, clingy, bitter, depressed or unhappy vibes. This is “inner game 101″ for a girl. I have some work to do with regard to this personally, but I still have that smile. :)
3) Some of the keys to a guy’s heart are in his past. If she can get him to open up to her about his childhood, his schoolboy days, his hurts and pains, then he’s halfway to love already. He wants to know that she accepts him as he is, with all of the baggage and old wounds, and that she isn’t going to cause him that same kind of pain — hence guys often talk about wanting “sweet” and “kind-hearted” girls. Being emotionally vulnerable with her means he trusts her, which is huge.
4) She reminds him somehow of a past love or a maternal figure who gave him unconditional love. Men often subconsciously model the idealized woman after their mothers in some way. Sexual imprinting from young crushes and partners can also be potent. Some guys have a “type” because those girls are the first ones he got aroused by during early puberty. Or it could be girls he saw in porn who got him off. Regardless, there’s something about her that is uniquely tuned into his sexual circuitry.
5) She gives him a hell of a dopamine rush. Some guys get this rush from talking, and they tend to be the intellectualizing types (I happen to be this type, too, so I’ve talked a few guys into falling for me). Some guys get this rush from doing interesting activities, so for example a lot of outdoorsy type guys get together with outdoorsy girls. Unpredictability also amps up dopamine. Some girls say that if they play “girl games” with a guy and mess with his head a bit, that gets her results (personally never worked for me). And of course, we know that sex can give both guys and girls a dose of dopamine, too, especially if it is very pleasurable. This is the risky gamble that some women use to try to get relationships, as has been discussed.
Part 2, personal anecdotes about what makes a guy fall in love.
When I asked my husband what made him fall in love with the previous girls (he had fallen for 2 other girls before me), he said it was primarily that they “showed interest” in him. I should also mention that each of those girls had been going out with a male friend in their social circle at the time. She showed him interest, dumped her boyfriend, escalated physically, then dumped him. He wasn’t too happy with girls in general after that.
The other thing he mentioned, which he refused to elaborate too much on, was that those girls “moved in a certain way.” He said movement is not part of bodily proportions or facial ratios, but is still “attractive.” I’m guessing he means a feminine and seductive demeanor or walk or something. But without knowing more I can’t say for sure.
Finally I asked him what made him fall in love with me (my favorite topic, clearly), and he said, very matter-of-factly, “by talking to you.” I prodded him to explain how, and he said, “You were just really easy to talk to. It was easy to open up to you. You didn’t think I was weird, and you didn’t get scared away by the real me.” That doesn’t seem like a very big deal, but apparently it was. Admittedly, I fell for him by talking to him, too, so I guess I also showed interest.