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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
For much of my young life, I have had this feeling that I was seeking something. I could not put a name to it, and yet I continued to feel this emptiness, this yearning.
It’s difficult to express it. I would feel it so often when I am alone. It is as if there’s this big gaping hole in the center of my being, a void centered around my chest and stomach.
A little over a year ago, I met C. It was a chance meeting compounded by numerous chance synchronicities.
We were each immediately drawn to the other. There was an inexplicable feeling that we had somehow known each other for longer than we had.
When he told me that he was puzzled by a vision of his, in which he felt like I was somehow a long-lost love, I told him that I’d felt the same way.
The feeling of emptiness only intensified when I could not be in contact with him. I felt, deep within my very being, that he held the answer to what I had been seeking.
When I moved many states to be with him, all I had was that feeling to follow. It guided me toward him, relentlessly. Every act I had performed up until that point seemed to me a part of my unfolding destiny.
I had a “vision” once, laying next to him in our darkened bedroom. I had put it out of my mind, for it seemed so ridiculous, so dream-like, that it must have been a product of my imagination.
I saw myself choosing my life, almost like choosing a character to play in a game. And that life is so complex and so interwoven with other lives. I felt “my life” guided by a force. It is a force full of wisdom and understanding, separate from me yet also “me.”
I was reminded of how, during our first in-person meeting, he smiled at me from across the table and said, “You chose a very beautiful body.”
In that trance-like dream, I felt that the people I had met in life — I was meant to meet them, to learn lessons from those meetings. I was meant to find C, and he was meant to find me. Fate had brought us together, when we were both on the precipice of becoming ready for a healthy relationship.
In this world, we choose these bodies to incarnate into, and we choose the lives best suited for us to learn greater truths. Some are ready for harder lessons at a younger age, while others must go through a longer period of darkness before emerging into the light.
“We” — our true selves, our souls, our essences — are here to learn lessons, to learn compassion, to gain understanding, to feel the fundamental cosmic force in the universe that has been alternately called god, light, and love.
I wrote that some time ago. Re-reading it now, it seems almost like the writings of someone who has gone off the deep end. I wonder if it contains any truths, or if it is simply inspired madness.
It doesn’t sound like you have gone (or went) off the deep end at all.
I too am fascinated by the concept of synchronicity.
My idea of synchronicity differs from yours. I’m not quite sure how to articulate it, though I’ve tried.
My idea of synchronicity is considerably less spiritual than yours.
I thought once that a good way to summarize it is to say that there is no such thing as an accident, yet, nothing in this life is intended.