The long wait

Pregnancy is marked by weeks and weeks of a slow, anxious and sometimes agonizing wait.

It is often said that pregnancy lasts 9 months. Aside from the shortest months, each month contains about 4 and half weeks. The weeks of pregnancy are counted from the first date of last menstrual period (LMP), and the expectation is that the average pregnancy lasts 40 weeks.

I’m in the middle of week 5, with 34 and half weeks to go. That is 242 more days, assuming everything goes well. And for me, that is a big assumption.

I’ve had four previous pregnancy losses. One ectopic pregnancy in the fallopian tubes at 7 weeks, two miscarriages at 9 and 12 weeks, and a stillbirth at 36 and half weeks. None hurt quite as much as the stillbirth, because I had gotten so close and felt it was going to be a sure thing. But they all hurt.

Right now, I am cautiously waiting. I know there is always the possibility of another loss. Because of my history I have a 1 in 4 chance of early miscarriage and a higher chance of repeat ectopic pregnancy. It’s still too early to tell, but I hope the little bean, as we have taken to call the embryo, is healthy and developing well.

My first doctor’s appointment is in another 2 and half weeks. I will have an ultrasound then to determine gestational age and assess the health of the baby. It will be a long wait. I feel paranoid that it will be another sad day, though I fervently hope that there will be a heartbeat, that it will be in the right place, and that everything will be okay.

8 Responses

1. contra

   January 25, 2012 at 9:35 PM

   The things you have to fight the hardest for are the things that are the most worthwhile.

2. J

   January 26, 2012 at 11:49 PM

   Hang in there, Hope. I’ve had six pregnancies that were diagnosed and probably a few very early miscarriages that I mistook for late periods and never sought care for. I know how tense the waiting game is, but sooner or later, I feel confident that you’ll have a child.

   Early miscarriages BTW are extremely common. Most happen without the mother’s knowledge. Once you get past the first trimester, you have an 85% chance of having a baby. I know how stupid this sounds, but try to relax. I’m sure you are doing all you can to bring this baby to term, the rest is beyond your control. If you have a good ultrasound result, you will most likely have a healthy baby.

   I’m sending good wishes your way.

3. Jesus Mahoney

   January 27, 2012 at 7:45 AM

   Best of luck, Hope. My thoughts are with you, your husband, and the bean.

4. Hope

   January 28, 2012 at 11:42 AM

   Thank you for the good thoughts! Definitely need them. :)

5. Anacaona

   January 28, 2012 at 12:25 PM

   All my prayers for you.

6. Been There

   January 29, 2012 at 1:58 PM

   Hope,

   I am so very happy for you and I know all will be well. It is true that you are most fertile after giving birth and I knew this would happen with you too. I became pregnant again 3 months after my son was delivered. He was born 1 year + 1 day after the son that I lost. He is a treasure to behold – even now as he reaches teenager status! I still think about my firstborn every birthday but as time passes it is not as sad. The memories of my teenager bring me happiness for his life and now, only momentary bits of sadness for what might have been. It is weird to say that if my first had survived, I would never have the pleasure of knowing the soul of the second who is with me today.

   I am keeping good thoughts for you and your growing family.

7. Hope

   January 29, 2012 at 4:40 PM

   Thank you for sharing your story, Been There. I did become pregnant again about 5 months after I gave birth to our first son, around the middle of last year. Unfortunately that was a missed miscarriage, and we know from chromosome testing that it would have been a little girl. So this time I am feeling reluctant to be too hopeful, although of course I still hope.

   I do believe that things will work out in the end, one way or another.

8. Flavia

   January 30, 2012 at 11:19 PM

   I wish you well and hope that by next year we’re hearing about all those sleepless nights cutting into your WOW time

Leave a Reply

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>