No one can tell you you’re in love. You just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones.
A person who has not yet experienced love and asking for a description of love is more or less like the blind asking a sighted person to describe the color blue.
The color blue can be defined somewhat precisely — it is a primary color, the perception of which is evoked by light having a spectrum dominated by energy with a wavelength of roughly 440–490 nm.
Blue as an abstract concept can also be related to certain objects which have a propensity to be blue. Its common connotations are ice, water, sky, winter, boys, cold, calm, and peace.
The blind person can approximate a feeling of blue, but may never come to fully understand what the color blue is. For instance, snow is white, and since the blind person can experience the coldness of snow, snow can become associated with blue. This is of course glaringly incorrect to someone who is sighted.
Once upon a time, I was like the blind when it came to love. I had experienced facsimiles of love, but they were not the real deal.
True love can be “blind” to physical flaws but be gifted with clear insight into inner beauty. As Shakespeare wrote: Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind / And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind. However, love does “see,” not with the physical eyes, but with a metaphysical sight.
What my husband and I share is a deep love of each other’s minds, hearts and souls. We do not focus on the flesh, although we do not ignore its importance. We do not argue or fight. There are no power plays between us. A lot of the things other couples struggle with, we do not. We are open and honest with each other, and we have a lot of mutual respect and adoration.
Before I met him, I didn’t think this type of relationship existed. I knew a few couples who had something like this dynamic, but I always believed, rightly or wrongly, they probably had tons of issues. I didn’t know what a truly good, healthy relationship was. I was like a blind person trying to understand colors. It didn’t matter how many times it was described to me, I didn’t have the visceral experience.
I think there’s a level of spiritual development necessary for a healthy relationship. He taught me a lot about spirituality and how to balance the self, and I happened to be a good student. The teacher also learns, and the student also teaches. We both grew a lot through our being together.
Many relationships are about possession, control, or having the “upper hand.” If you let go of that dynamic, you can have a relationship that is incredibly loving, but without the damaging aspects of trying to control another person. You love in a way that is freely given, freely received, freely and mutually flowing, and transcending personal ego and desire to change the other person.
When both people love in this manner, you create a love that is infused with the joy and wonder of the universe itself. It is an amazing, spiritual and transcendant love.
It is love that comes with clear sight and bright vision, seeing the full spectrum of beautiful colors.
I end with this wonderful quote from an older, wiser man named Mr. Munson:
I do know this–love is a circuit. You feel it and send it out, perceive its reception by your lover, and accept and acknowledge your lover’s returning it to you, where again they signify its importance, not simply that they love each other but also the other loves them, and in this endless cycle love does indeed expand forever, is constantly replenished, is living, being such a natural part of the universe that its gravity bends the light as it approaches, continually rising into that light until it becomes it.