A Journey of Hope


To C:

I love you. I want to tell you this over and over again. These words are simply not enough, but to be able to share them with you is its own joy.

Thoughts of you flood my mind constantly. I feel like you are always with me, and it gives me such a feeling of elation to be near you in both body and spirit. This love I have for you affects me so tremendously and so intensely, and it grows with each passing day. You have touched me so irrevocably that I am simply a changed person because of you.

Every fiber of my being is inspired by you. You are at once a man of enormous potential and of great actualized talent. You are not just one label to me. In many ways I feel like you epitomize all that I have longed for in a partner, a friend and lover, but I did not have to idealize you for you to be that embodiment. You simply are, and I am so filled with admiration and desire for you, for your ability, your mind, your body, your heart, and your spirit.

It is not simply that I admire you, but also that we share a connection between us that is beautifully strong and seems to defy ordinary understanding. It is this seemingly transcendent connection which inspires me. For you I write this, and I hope you will know how much I truly hold you in my regard.

This is you to all those who know you: honorable, protective, courteous, humorous, capable, moral, intelligent, witty, communicative, enthusiastic, confident, collected, analytical and decisive. You are a team-player, and you know how to delegate and follow. You know your own assets and shortcomings, and you take on responsibilities for which you are suited.

You are a proven polymath. You embody the ideals of the Renaissance man, something that others have recognized as well. You know several languages, play the guitar, paint and draw, are versed in the humanities and classics, and so much more. I have not met many people who contained such a multitude of complex identities. You are the poet, the artist, the writer, the gardener, the musician, the geeky gamer, the math student, the math teacher, the leader, the handyman, the confident martial artist, the silly and playful jokester, the deep and introspective philosopher, the risk-taking outdoorsman, the gallant gentleman, the passionate lover, and the wise spiritualist.

You are a great leader. You are never greedy for power, and your goal is to help and support rather than to take over. You know when to cut your losses, when to change strategy, and when to push forward. You know that you are not perfect, but you listen well to suggestions, you innovate and improve, and you know how to motivate and direct people. You intuit many subtleties of situations and lead with a gentle but firm hand. Simply, you are the masculine ideal of chivalry, a real knight.

You have many more virtues, among them: amazing strength of will and character. There is no need for you to keep grousing about things — you talk about it, and you do it. You are self-assured but not unrealistic. You are honest and open with those around you, and you are unabashedly yourself. You can laugh at yourself, and you don’t take yourself too seriously. At the same time you know how to be serious and give someone your undivided ear and advice, because you genuinely care about others and their plight.

You are not one who merely claims to be a good person; you are a good person. You risked your health and sacrificed your time as a volunteer for Peace Corps and VISTA. You are tolerant and accepting of individual differences, and you do not arrogantly believe that you are better than others despite your superior skills.

Your big heart and radiant outlook shines on everyone who comes into contact with you. You have traveled through dark roads and met adversities, but you have conquered the darkness within, and you walk now a path of brilliant light. It is incredibly poignant to me that you allow me to walk this path with you.

You possess so much wisdom, kindness and empathy, and you are capable of so much love. You radiate a calm, warm and powerful aura. You know how to feel, and you do so fearlessly, unafraid of emotional intensity and depth. You view women as an ennobling spiritual force as opposed to mere bodies meant solely for procreation and pleasure. You know how to reconcile erotic desire and spiritual attainment and share with me a love that is at once comfortable and passionate, intimate and exalting, very human yet divinely transcendent.

You are far and beyond others in your understanding of the truth about money and power, and indeed the mysteries of life itself. You see behind the masks, the fragile house of cards that we navigate, and you are insightful into so many ways in which the world moves and operates. Money is simply a modern proxy for power, and your vision is far beyond those mundane matters. But you also do not reject the worldly things that tether you to this reality, and you are well-grounded in the things that necessarily must be done. Even in this world you have much power, and a positive energy permeates you.

You have an awesome body, a build that is very manly and sexy, with such broad shoulders and chest, and a musculature that makes me yearn to feel your strength. You are both tender and dominant, and your touch is firm, loving and exciting all at once. Looking at you makes me want so much to feel you and caress you, and feel the contrast of my small body against yours.

You are incredibly attractive to me. You have a wonderfully expressive face, at times with an adorable smirk, and you are handsome even when slightly frowning. You have amazing eyes. They convey so much with one glance, alternately mischief, sweetness and wonder. They mesmerize me. To peer into your eyes is like gazing into a rare, multifaceted gem. I am simply lost in their depth and beauty.

Your voice is so intoxicating, with a low and gentle cadence that becomes animated with your happiness — and being the first thing I noticed about you, it is also so dear to me. The inflection of your voice is so hot, and when you give me commands it compels me to do what you ask. When you laugh, it is so infectious and always brings a smile to my face. You laugh often and loudly, and you don’t hold back. Your laughter infuses me with such an indescribable happiness, and I want to keep the memory of it in my heart forever.

Our physical connection is greater than either of us could have predicted or has ever experienced. I love how you affectionately reach over to my leg when you’re driving, and I can’t get enough of the way you hold me tightly against you. When we lay together, and I put my head on your chest, surrounded by your smell, feeling your wonderful aura, it’s like the whole world just stops. In that moment, you are my world.

This writing is still rather incomplete, for there is so much more to you. Even though we have grown so close, so fast, and so naturally, I can spend many lifetimes learning, discovering and exploring the wonder that is you.