For me, it wasn’t such a huge deal, since I hadn’t played the previous two installments. I played numerous Diablo “clones” like Dungeon Siege, Titan Quest and Torchlight, and I did like them, but none of them were online games.

My husband, on the other hand, said he had been waiting for this game since he was 12. He had been a huge fan and played the original for many hours. He also has the Diablo III T-shirt, in which I must say he looks great.

We played for a while last night before the servers went down, and it was a lot of fun. Especially fun is watching my husband become like a giddy little kid on Christmas. He even got up in the middle of the night on release day to play for a bit.

As an aside, over the weekend, we had found the name Aidan for our son, and we both like it. One of the major villains in Diablo III is apparently named Aidan. He had been a hero in previous installments.

Oh well. My husband says it gives the name nerd factor. :P

The growth is right on target, the organs look generally good, and the placenta is a little close to the cervix but not covering it. My husband, our mom and I are all really happy.

It feels so much more real after seeing the baby move around for so long on the ultrasound screen. We saw the little one squirm, point his fingers, and hiccup. We got pictures and even a DVD video to take home.

Now we’re thinking about names and decorations. We are also thinking about Liam, our first little boy. Fingers crossed, everything will be okay this time.

This pregnancy certainly seems to be progressing faster. I started showing earlier, the baby started moving earlier, and my husband says I look like I’m at 30 weeks instead of 20 weeks.

The aches and pains are also starting earlier this time. It’s been harder to breathe with the baby belly getting bigger. My hips hurt a lot, especially at night, and the bones are probably relaxing to make more room.

Our little baby is quite active nowadays. It’s been very reassuring to feel the baby move, kick, poke and squirm around frequently. I would be much more worried if I didn’t feel so much movement.

I smile to myself every time I feel the little one move inside me, and I rub my belly lovingly. It’s such a wonderful thing to know our baby is alive and well.

This Sunday will be Mother’s Day, and my mother-in-law is coming to town the day after tomorrow to both celebrate and to accompany us to the 20 week ultrasound on Friday. Hopefully (for sure this time) we will be able to know whether the baby is a boy or a girl.

Then we can actually start to decorate the nursery! It’s so exciting. I can’t wait to see the cute little baby again on the ultrasound monitor screen!

Upon realizing the pendant and chain that held it were not around my neck, my heart immediately felt heavy. Objectively I knew it was just a thing, but the thing held a great deal of special meaning for me.

I told my husband, and he comforted me. He said that since I lost it at work, I’d probably be able to find it again. If not, and someone took it, then it was probably time for it to be passed on. He had lost a similarly meaningful pendant when he was in college, one that he comissioned at a jeweler and was custom made. He was distraught when he lost it, too, but then he got the one that he currently wears.

Later in the evening, as we laid side-by-side in bed, I still felt nervous and anxious. He asked me if it was still about the pendant, and I said no. He asked if the baby not been moving as much and worrying me, and I said I had felt the baby move just moments earlier. I said it was all the darkness and negativity of the world weighing me down.

He urged me to keep talking and get it off my chest. I started telling him about how the guy who rang our doorbell in the evening offering a free stucco evaluation on the house set off my “scam” radar, as the guy looked young, in his 20s, was too skinny to look much like a construction guy, claimed he ran out of business cards, and the phone number he left was a Texas area code instead of a local number. I felt bad that I was so untrusting and suspicious, but at the same time I knew there are people out there who do have bad intentions.

I told him that I knew both good and bad exist in the world, and that everyone has the free choice to perform either good or bad actions. But when people do bad things to hurt other people intentionally, I feel sorrow for those who were hurt. It also seemed to me like those who choose the dark and negative path try to convert others to their ways. Those who are impacted by them also have a bleaker view of the world, and because of the few who do bad, everyone has to look out for them.

My husband understood. He told me that the key is love and acceptance. Those on the dark path are also experiencing their own lessons and seeking their own truths. Their path and our path will eventually meet, because each of us is a facet of the Creation, and thus each person should be seen as the Creator. Our path is a passive one in which we present our truths in love, light and open honesty, rather than hide aspects of the truth in order to take away another’s free will. Thus we must always tell people the truth about both light and darkness, and accept the outcome of their decision.

In the past, my husband had studied the dark path, read Machiavelli’s The Prince, and done some manipulative things. He has enough knowledge, cunning and charm to be quite the manipulator. He rejected all that and chose the light. As we cuddled together in the dark and listened to the wind blowing gently outside our bedroom, I felt such a powerful light and love emanating from him, washing away the miasma of dark goo that had been swirling in my psyche. I fell asleep feeling relaxed and serene.

In the morning, I went to the lady at the front desk of my workplace and told her I had lost my pendant. She asked me what it looked like, and I told her it was diamond-shaped, and held my fingers together in the shape of a diamond. She pointed to something in front of her on the desk, and there was my pendant, safe and sound, which I hadn’t noticed before. I smiled widely then, and I thanked her before taking it back into my hands.

I put my pendant back on, double-checking this time that it is secure, and sighed happily.

Last night, we took a walk along the trail. It started out with both of us being half-hearted about it. The sun had already set, the air was chilly, and the sky was misty with fog. I was shivering and feeling physically weaker from the pregnancy.

But as we walked and talked, we both felt our energy renewed. We’re both INFJs, and communicating like this, talking deeply, openly and at length with each other, is something that really bonds us. We discussed the mundane stuff like work and people we know, and from there we naturally went onto other subjects and began exploring ideas and concepts.

We like talking about people and situations using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and other “tools” of discussion. We also have other sets of vocabularies that we use as descriptions: positive vs. negative polarity, light vs. dark, service to others vs. service to self. In each of these cases it could be generally seen as the simplistic terms of beta vs. alpha, but for us it involves a lot more.

We see it as the more positive and light the orientation, the more powerful and “alpha,” but only along that dimension and polarity. And vice versa for the dark and negative path. So a person who is not “awake” or “aware,” and is simply following the rest, fumbling around, not really choosing a path, is a “beta” or “sheep.” A person who has consciously made a choice, either on the light side or the dark side, is becoming more “alpha” — “sheepdog” for the light side, and “wolf” for the dark side.

There are lots of people who see “game” as inherently dark, but it is simply gaining knowledge and awareness, which as Susan said is neutral. It is how this knowledge is used that determines the person’s path. In the case of PUAs, it’s generally negative. It also has to be pursued with a great deal of effort and pure malicious intention, or “evil,” if you will. A lot of PUAs burn out because they couldn’t naturally do the Dark Triad or Machiavellian stuff, and it becomes very taxing and destructive on their psyches.

In my husband’s case, he started out trying out the dark side, but quickly realized it wasn’t for him. He found the light path via philosophy, spirituality and meditation, and with profound love, compassion and patience, he kept to the light side while waiting for a woman who would find the “positive alpha” more appealing than the “negative alpha.” When we met, he realized I was trying to find my way to the light, and he became my guide.

It is worthwhile to note here that just as sheepdogs can fend off wolves, positive alphas are just as powerful in their own right as negative alphas. Particularly, they tend to have much more loyal followers, because they treat others well. Positive alphas inspire and try to lift others to their level, while negative alphas convert others into minions and subordinate them in a hierarchy. So “dominance” and “submission” have different meanings as well. For the light side, it’s like a teacher/student, mentor/mentee relationship, which is based on love/respect and is reciprocal. For the dark side, it’s like a master/slave, lord/servant relationship, which is based on power differential.

My husband is my positive alpha.

With Liam, I only started feeling flutters around 20 weeks or 5 months, but back then it was all new to me, and I didn’t know what it would feel like. According to various literature, you can feel the baby earlier in the second and subsequent pregnancies.

My husband and I also both think that this baby is growing faster. Every time we’ve had an ultrasound, the baby has been on the big side for the calculated due date, so I could be slightly farther along. In any case, it is always reassuring when I feel the little movements within my belly, and it’s also incredibly exciting.

This Friday we will have another ultrasound, and it’s possible that we can find out whether we’re having a boy or a girl. We would be really happy either way, although we both have a feeling it’s a girl. 50-50 chance, and we’ll see!

Today was also the check-up that we had scheduled to listen for the heartbeat. Even though I had no indication that anything was wrong, I was still quite nervous. So when the nurse-midwife held the doppler to my belly and found the heartbeat quickly, and the sound of our baby’s heart’s rhythmic beating filled the room, I felt incredibly happy and relieved.

My husband and mother-in-law were both there with me, and afterward we hugged, talked and celebrated by eating out and having a good time. We went to a Brazillian grill that had all-you-can-eat meat, and it was delicious. Then for dinner, we went out to our favorite sushi place. We also did some shopping, and basically had a nice, busy and fun day.

I’m really grateful to be able to enjoy this anniversary. I am almost 15 weeks along, and my belly is getting bigger all the time. Our 1st anniversary was just two months after Liam had passed away, and we did not do much celebrating. It was a time of mourning. Now it is finally a time of hope and joy.

I ordered these two maternity dresses:

There were a bunch of other really pretty dresses, as well as other dresses that were not maternity but still had a loose enough waistline and skirt that they could work for pregnancy.

What I like about their Website is that you can see the larger images and click on “View Runway” to see how the clothes actually hang and move on the model. They also provide the model’s height and size, so I can get a feel for how it would fit on me. I normally wear a US size 2-4, so I ordered the maternity size 4.

I ordered styles that I think will look okay even if I’m not pregnant. Hopefully I won’t be disappointed when they arrive, and they’ll fit.

As soon as I saw the baby looking quite big and human on the screen, I felt like things were going to be okay.. Then I saw the baby move a little, kicking its little legs, and squriming back and forth. It was so adorable.

Because I’ve been so nervous the past couple of weeks, we’re going back in two weeks for a heartbeat check. I feel a weight lift off of me now, because the chance of a miscarriage is much lower.

Definitely a big sigh of relief!

What does it feel like? What did I say to him? Here are some excerpts of what I had written to my husband as I was falling in love with him. Get ready for mushiness!

Even though you do it so often, it still startles me that you can see with such clarity inside me, my mental and emotional states — and, inside my soul, if I should use that word.

With you, I feel like our spirits are close all the time. It is so peaceful at the same time that it is invigorating and exhilarating. I feel like you make me feel a greater truth. Only, when you say “Love is light,” it doesn’t even feel like truth… it feels like something I’ve always known, and totally natural for you to be expressing it, a feeling of familiarity and “hey, I know this.”

I feel so grateful to be alive… to have met and been touched, if only metaphorically, by someone as brilliant and kind as you. There is so much of the world to see and learn and discover! When I moved out, I felt like I want to do more of that, but I didn’t know how I would go about it. I still don’t really know, but I know that I want to do this with you, at least with as much practicality as I can muster.

I read something last year that goes, “When you really love someone it will be A to B. Not A to D to B to C.” Previously, it’s been the latter. Part of that is definitely my own fault. I was not ready; I did not put in the work necessary on myself. But with you, I feel like we are both prepared for this journey, and that it will be going from A to B, and maybe even beyond. I feel like we both trust each other and have placed our hearts in the other for safe keeping. And I don’t want to hurt you, though our human flaws will surely mean that we will hurt each other inadvertently. But being both healers, maybe we can mend those wounds as well…

I feel like my love for you will only grow with time, which is why I feel also that I can wait. I’ve already waited for a long time… and I know that what I feel now is only a small bud compared to what I shall feel for you when our love is in full bloom.

What I feel from you is a bright, shining light, so full of love, wisdom and purity, and I am totally energized by it. I also feel so close to you, like our souls have already met. I hope that everyone will find a love like this. This is such a new feeling to me, and it is so wonderful. :)

I’m feeling so ridiculously happy. I’m sitting at my desk with a huge smile because I got to hear your voice. Even just hearing your voice on your voicemail made me want to reach through the phone and touch the man behind that wonderful voice. I am so in love with you. It continues to amaze me how much love you have filled me with, and how it overflows to the rest of my life. Whenever I feel down, all I have to do is think about that aspect of my life in which you exist, shining as a source of eternally brilliant and wonderful love, and the warmth of that light fills me over the brim.

I love you with all my heart. I will always love you.