A Journey of Hope

A walk of bonding

Love, Men & Women

Our house is right next to a large park, which has a nice, long and paved walking trail. When the weather is decent, we sometimes take walks along the trail in the evenings.

Last night, we took a walk along the trail. It started out with both of us being half-hearted about it. The sun had already set, the air was chilly, and the sky was misty with fog. I was shivering and feeling physically weaker from the pregnancy.

But as we walked and talked, we both felt our energy renewed. We’re both INFJs, and communicating like this, talking deeply, openly and at length with each other, is something that really bonds us. We discussed the mundane stuff like work and people we know, and from there we naturally went onto other subjects and began exploring ideas and concepts.

We like talking about people and situations using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and other “tools” of discussion. We also have other sets of vocabularies that we use as descriptions: positive vs. negative polarity, light vs. dark, service to others vs. service to self. In each of these cases it could be generally seen as the simplistic terms of beta vs. alpha, but for us it involves a lot more.

We see it as the more positive and light the orientation, the more powerful and “alpha,” but only along that dimension and polarity. And vice versa for the dark and negative path. So a person who is not “awake” or “aware,” and is simply following the rest, fumbling around, not really choosing a path, is a “beta” or “sheep.” A person who has consciously made a choice, either on the light side or the dark side, is becoming more “alpha” — “sheepdog” for the light side, and “wolf” for the dark side.

There are lots of people who see “game” as inherently dark, but it is simply gaining knowledge and awareness, which as Susan said is neutral. It is how this knowledge is used that determines the person’s path. In the case of PUAs, it’s generally negative. It also has to be pursued with a great deal of effort and pure malicious intention, or “evil,” if you will. A lot of PUAs burn out because they couldn’t naturally do the Dark Triad or Machiavellian stuff, and it becomes very taxing and destructive on their psyches.

In my husband’s case, he started out trying out the dark side, but quickly realized it wasn’t for him. He found the light path via philosophy, spirituality and meditation, and with profound love, compassion and patience, he kept to the light side while waiting for a woman who would find the “positive alpha” more appealing than the “negative alpha.” When we met, he realized I was trying to find my way to the light, and he became my guide.

It is worthwhile to note here that just as sheepdogs can fend off wolves, positive alphas are just as powerful in their own right as negative alphas. Particularly, they tend to have much more loyal followers, because they treat others well. Positive alphas inspire and try to lift others to their level, while negative alphas convert others into minions and subordinate them in a hierarchy. So “dominance” and “submission” have different meanings as well. For the light side, it’s like a teacher/student, mentor/mentee relationship, which is based on love/respect and is reciprocal. For the dark side, it’s like a master/slave, lord/servant relationship, which is based on power differential.

My husband is my positive alpha.

2 Responses

  1. I agree that there are wolves and sheepdogs. I would say that alphas are those that seek to lead the social hierarchy. But terminology aside I agree that as people strive to unleash their energy and find their higher purpose or true nature that they are being “alpha” in a sense.

    The sheepdog has a similar capability to kill and intimidate as does the wolf but uses that for more benign purposes.

  2. HanSolo, thanks for leaving a comment. This analogy applies to other subjects as well, e.g. wolves being sociopaths/psychopaths/criminals and sheepdogs being guardians/protectors/policemen.

    Of course, wolves never think that what they do is “wrong,” and from their perspective they’re doing “right” for themselves to kill and eat the sheep. This is the tension in any morality debate, and why the addition of the sheepdog is crucial.

    Those who are “innocent, naive, defenseless and helpless” would be at the mercy of the wolves without the sheepdogs. Because we all start out as babies and children, if no one looked out for anyone else, we’d never have made it as a species.

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