I am 33 weeks pregnant again.
The last time I was this far along was with Liam. I am re-experiencing all of the old symptoms — difficulty sleeping, walking, and persistent headaches. I am also experiencing lots of pelvic pain and lots of baby movement, much more so than last time. He likes to hiccup at least once a day, which is very cute.
Our little bean has grown bigger, and his kicks have gotten quite strong. I imagine what he looks like, try to figure out how he’s laying in my belly, what he’s doing when I feel him poking out from within me, and think and dream for the future. It’s hard to think about much else, and sometimes I feel guilty when I get preoccupied by other things. That’s when a big movement kicks my mind back to him.
I have weekly nonstress tests, during which I am hooked up to a machine that monitors the baby’s heartbeat. For half an hour I sit in the clinic at the hospital, listening to his little heart beating away rhythmically. These tests are called “nonstress,” but somehow they stress me out every time. I think it’s the acknowledgement that I am considered “high risk” and therefore need to come in for these tests.
My emotions are all over the place. This morning I woke up tired, unhappy and grumpy. My temper was on a much shorter fuse than normal, and things that otherwise wouldn’t annoy were bothering me. As the day went on I became more and more stressed. I just want everything to go smoothly, and I want to have a healthy baby.
As I get closer to being full term, I am also becoming more anxious. I just have to remind myself to breathe and relax, and to be grateful that I am carrying our little boy for a while longer.